Sounds like a lovely conversation opener but for some it makes their heart sink. If that’s the feeling you have about Christmas, you are not alone.
Christmas is an emotional time of year, it is a siren call back to the days of our childhood, evoking memories of family past and present, traditions, warmth, good food and fun and games. It can also evoke different memories if your childhood was a difficult one or you come from a tradition of not celebrating Christmas.
I want to speak to those who are finding Christmas hard this year. Maybe you’ve had a loss or a relationship has ended, children choosing to spend Christmas elsewhere. Finances might be tighter than usual. Perhaps you just aren’t feeling up to the merriment of the season.
So, when you hear the questions ‘What are you doing for Christmas?’ you feel like your answer somehow won’t live up to the expectations of others. It also drives home that your Christmas will be different this year. Apart from telling people to mind their own business, what can be done?
You could say something vague, ‘it’s going to be a quiet one this year,’ or deflect with a question yourself, ‘what about you, what are you up to?’ Perhaps you are ready to be honest – ‘I’m finding Christmas difficult to think about this year, but I’m looking forward to New Year’
There you are! You have managed the pleasantries without shouting, swearing, or upsetting anybody. But really – ‘What are you doing for Christmas this year?’
Is it time to take back a little control, say no to a few things and yes to different things. What do you really WANT to do with the holiday. I thought we could look at starting some new traditions.
Five New Tradition Ideas
1. Spend the time volunteering. Lots of charities cook dinner for people on Christmas day, this might give you something purposeful to do, bring you into contact with new people, volunteers, and clients alike. This might take a lot of energy as it is a social event, but you could hunker down with the Quality Street and Christmas TV in the evening knowing you have supported others in need.
2. Look around at your friends, is this the year to accept invitations that come your way? Or are any of them at a loose end or struggling with difficult family relationships themselves, you could have a Friendsmas instead of a family meal. No presents, that’s just extra stress but each bring a contribution to the dinner, it will end up being a fabulous hotchpotch of signature dishes and there might even be leftovers to see you through Boxing Day.
3. It’s good to get out of your home, go to the seaside, a park, or the woods. Getting out into nature for a long walk can help ground us. It reduces stress, helps with sleep, and lowers blood pressure. There will be others walking too so you won’t feel alone. There are even some organised, guided walks on Christmas day, I found one in London (Dickens!) just from a quick internet search so I am sure there must be others. If it’s bright and sunny you could even take a Christmas picnic.
4. Go away for Christmas. This could be you, in a cottage or apartment in the country, lots of space for walks, or in a town you’ve never visited, new streets to explore. There are organised Christmas breaks too if you don’t fancy being alone. Some are based around walking, yoga, singing etc. I found one just for women in Wales offering space to breath and wholesome food to eat.
5. A day of comfort, incorporating all the things you love. You could spend time prepping this in advance for future Christmas you. Make up a comfort box to be opened on the day, face mask, bath bombs, manicure set, woolly socks, the softest jumper you own, a new mug and posh hot chocolate etc. Or if you like to craft indulge yourself in a big project for the entire day. Stash some foodie treats and make sure you have a supply of decent films or a mini-series to watch (it needn’t be festive!)
I wanted to say that if Christmas is a challenging time of year for you then know that you are not alone in those feelings. If you can then reach out to a neighbour, friend or organisation who might be able to offer support. If this is beyond you then think of ways to enjoy the day that aren’t traditional, it’s your day, make the most of it.
At the bottom of this blog I have put a list of organisations that can support you on the day if you want to reach out.
Longer term it might help to speak to a therapist about your feelings around the Christmas holidays or about the events that made it so hard this year. Talking always helps and therapy offers a non-judgemental place to air those difficult feelings.
I wish you peace at Christmas and hope for the New Year to come.
Debbie Livermore
info@lifehousetherapy.co.uk
www.lifehousetherapy.co.uk
If you need support here are some numbers you can try
Samaritans
116 123 (freephone)
jo@samaritans.org
samaritans.org
Open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk
Age UK (England)
0800 678 1602
ageuk.org.uk
information and support for older people
CALM
campaign Against Living Miserably
0800 585858
www.thecalmzone.net
Compassionate Friends
provides support for bereaved families after the death of a child
0345 1232304
tcf.org.uk
LGBT Foundation
Advice support and information for people identifying as LGBTQ+
0345 330 3030
National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Free Helpline for women who have experienced domestic abuse and violence with all female advisors
0808 2000247
nationaldahelpline.org.uk